If you’d like to watch the entire presentation, you can check it out here.
E3 Day 3 Broadcast Pre-show
Let’s not give them any more of our attention. They’ve given me head and toothache as it is.
Verizon Pyramid Scheme
This was brutal, and the smell didn’t clear when it ended either. Some snake spent a while saying how keen he was to see more skirts at work. The whole “presentation” had a ceremonial/pyramid scheme vibe. Bring on the games; I don’t think people want faster internet in exchange for headaches and worse yet. Give it a rest.
The retro gaming veterans are back with their answer to the Switch, but with Wii marketing, kind of. That’s not a slight, by the way. Intellivision obviously bided their time, gathered loads of information from the last 20+ years, and made the best of several worlds. I see the Dreamcast memory cards, PSP, GBA, and more in there. From their statement regarding their games, it’s $10 for a digital and $20 for a physical copy; plus, they’re against the post-sales revenue fleecing. They’ve got the rights to a lot of old classics and made them modern. They’ve even got Earthworm Jim AND Ecco the Dolphin’s creators to both make new games! This will do pretty well, I think. Good luck to ’em!
First Ever E3
We were shown a video package of the original E3. I got the impression it was meant to be some kind of flex due to the digs about it looking old, dirty, and smelly. Trust me, being somewhere closer to the first show would be a hell of a lot better than this over-produced, unnecessary bollocks. I feel like a business mogul on a reality show where everyone’s showing me their sales pitch that they’ve been practicing all year. From the actual salesmen down to the friendly hosts and “influencers.”
Some Diversity Bollocks
Around 30 minutes of a conference call with people misusing/misunderstanding the words “equality,” “equity,” and “diversity.” It sounded like they were each reading their favorite passages from something and patting each other on the back for going through the narrative pamphlet to the letter. The host even said, “That’s great conversation there” – who the fuck speaks like that?
From one money grabber in sheep’s clothing to another…
Blankos Block Party
Basically, we’ve now got NFTs within games. I imagine it will make a handful of people a ridiculous amount of coin, and everyone else, not so much. Not for me, thanks. Didn’t take them long to get Blanko from Funko… clever. Deadmau5 even collaborated with them and talked some utter tripe about this being art. This isn’t art; this is colorful marketing. Fuck off.
Indie Games Showcase
There were some interesting points brought up here. Sadly, we didn’t have all the right people to make them. First of all, if you’re a part of Nintendo, you’re not indie. Second, admitting you allow your partners to “identify as indie” just pisses over the whole concept, other than to admit it’s just a genre and a farce on your part. The phrase “here to put smiles on faces” always gets a little red flag from me; WWE and Disney love that one too. The Twitch chat was rightly kicking off at this point; there’d been hardly anything to do with actual video gameplay (or footage) at this point.
Once this was over, we were treated to some great trailers.
There’s something for everyone from this collection of trailers.
Professional Pretenders Pander
More things that aren’t video game trailers and reveals next. This time, we have a load of voice actors complaining about how there isn’t enough representation in their industry. A group of people that make (often silly) voices in a studio for a living are ones to discuss this why? Narcissism, that’s why. Think yourselves lucky you have as much work as you get. I bet a lot of jobs you get are translated, and by the dumb logic written in YOUR righteous pamphlet, that is appropriation. Is it not? Also, who are you going to cast to voice animals, aliens, monsters, and giant yellow spider-space-mutants? Does one simple identify themself into the role they desire? Pandering morons.
Here’s the main event of E3 day 3. Everyone was pretty excited going into the Capcom presentation… well, except those that had wandered off early from being bored/lectured half to death.
People in the chat were gutted that there was no surprise. Everything that was covered had been announced beforehand. To be fair, people had spent a few hours putting up with a lot of bullshit while waiting for Capcom’s presentation.
Razer E3 Day 3 Keynote
Razer’s top salesman puts the company over and builds hype for their upcoming products. We’re in full shopping channel meets religion channel territory now.
Ignoring the sale of masks, does no one ever watch these things back and spot how culty they come off? I kept expecting the camera to pull back and reveal multicolored robes and a steaming punch bowl.
E3 have really shown more of their colors today. It’s not just the never-ending production line of salesmen, “influencers,” and people from other industries trying to naturally (yet, often, forcefully) integrate their products into gaming somehow. The song and dance Verizon, Ubisoft, Microsoft, and Bethesda put on was almost dwarfed by Funko and Roblox getting jiggy and Blankos Block Party becoming a thing, aiming it at kids and people with more money than sense. The pricks behind Blankos were justifying their approach by saying that gamers have never truly owned anything before… APART FROM THE FUCKING GAME, you bellend!
One last thing from me today, since inclusion, equality, and equity have been rammed in our eyes, ears, and down our throats.
I’ll see you tomorrow for the fourth and final day of E3. Let’s hope Nintendo can pick things up a little!
Background Artwork Designed by Rachael Hope.