Rather than fritter bits and pieces in various other threads, he’s my take on the Disney Trilogy. Apologies in advance if TL;DR.
A bit of background, I’m old enough to have seen Jedi at the cinema but not Hope or Empire. As a kid (as we all were) I was obsessed with Star Wars and the toys, god those toys were glorious, sorry, I digress already. Growing up I loved Star Wars and Star Trek in equal measure (does that leave a made taste in your mouth? tough, swallow like usual), and pretty much ALL sci-fi of the time. The original trilogy is almost untouchable IMO, it has a few, minimal flaws but is a piece of pop culture art and history. My personal fave is Jedi but that’s a story for another time.
The prequels came, me and my mates were fucking HYPED like crackheads over them but we all know how they turned out. I mean Sith is a solid enough movie, Phantom has Duel of the fates which is iconic, and Clones has sand, it gets everywhere (fuck off clones forever). However, in an added slice of delicious irony, oh how they look better now when compared with …
The Disney Trilogy, where the FUCK to begin, well at the start. I was as hyped for TFA as I had been for anything else really, there was no reason to doubt they’d fuck up. Sure, there was a worry about ‘Disneyness’ but Twatleen Kennedy was Lucas through and through. When I left the cinema after watching? I wasn’t devastated but something wasn’t right, it didn’t ‘feel’ like Star Wars, hell, it didn’t even ‘look’ like Star Wars. The only thing I could compare it to was when I watched Crystal Skull (if you step away from the TERRIBLE story), it has pretty much all of the elements of an Indy film but because we’ve moved on from the 80’s and there is so much CGI? it looks like a fake copy of an Indy film, and that’s how I felt about TFA. It was a tinny sounding knock off Star Wars, no booming battles (I know there were battles but they felt so empty and lifeless) or feeling of ….. well ….. anything. TFA is not a terrible movie but when it is in the illustrious companion of other Star Wars? it really is. Special mention for Han Solo scenes, the hammiest shit in SW, I mean Ford has never been the greatest actor but he was a paycheck charlie in this and it shows. There are many other smaller points but this is already TL;DR.
I was worried for TLJ simply off the back of TFA, I’d lost a lot of faith, I was irked by the lack of Star Warsness in TFA, then well, the trainwreck happened didn’t it. I think for me it was the first real case of an SJW coming in, virtue signalling a big fat shit all over something that was important to people. I liken it to the scene in Goodfellas when Henry is explaining what happens when you owe Paulie ….
Oh you like Star War? – fuck you, pay me. Oh you like Luke? – Fuck you, pay me. Oh you are a white male? – Fuck you, pay me. Oh you like all these well established characters and their lore? – fuck you, pay me.
Johnson isn’t even really at fault, when you hire a cunt you’ll get cunt. You don’t go to a hooker, give her money, then get cross when she’s not clean as a whistle but has crabs the size of godzilla hanging off her flaps. Again, I digress. We all know TLJ was abhorrent in almost every way.
Onto TLJ, which is basically this: You know when you have a cut? and that band aid you use, but its the last one, so you can’t waste it, but it’s not sticky anymore, it’s hanging off and now the cuts is now infected. That’s TLJ. Gay Gay Abrahms was fucked, I think he probably did about as well as he could but lets be honest, pure trash (I hate Gay Gay for a whole different set of reason, Star Trek being the main one). The best thing to come out of TLJ was his FUCK YOU to some of the stuff Johnson did. But, unlike the fetid, rat alt-left shills? I have to be honest, I thought TLJ was the only one of the Disney trilogy to ‘feel’ and ‘look’ like a Star Wars movie, the only other that pulled that off was Rogue One (which, again, a story for another time, is probably my fave Disney SW movie).
In closing, how good do those prequel look now LOLOL side note, I urge anyone to check out the anti-cheese fan edits, they make them much better and make Clones at least watchable.
Sorry for the TL;DR, I could have went on for hours, I missed out some much LOL maybe I should write a blog
In just a few short years since they started releasing thier “Star Wars” it’s aged horribly compared to the prequels, I remember watching the originals on TV so many times and when the first prequel came out my brothers saw it first.
When I finally saw it i came home and told them I don’t think I liked it and they dismissed my opinion immediately and I had no one to discuss the movie with.
I hated Anikin and Jar Jar, everytime they were on screen I couldn’t focus on anything else, I just wanted them to go away so I can focus on Qui-Gon.
I couldn’t get the relationship between Padme and Anikin, what do you see in this arrogant punk?
When Revenge of the Sith came along I wanted Palpatine to win but sending Anikin your brand new apprentice to wipe out the Jedi Temple was dumb, it should’ve been Palpy doing that while Anikin went to Mustafar to wipe out people he already saw as his enemy.
Only years later did I come to realise Anikin was written like that on purpose, he desperately needed strong guidance but his mother was a full time slave, Wotto wasn’t exactly great, Qui-Gon was ideal but…, He needed Samuel Jackson to tell him to Shut the Fuck Up!
All he had left was Obi-Wan and Palpy, Obi wanted a brother but Anikin needed a father and Palpy played on that.
George was surrounded by yes men agreeing with everything instead of helping him.
Have you tried the anti-cheese edits? They don’t make the movies oscar worthy, but they almost eliminate Jar Jar (and change his voice to subs) and the trade federation stuff (although still boring) is a bit more menacing, again by using alien language and subtitles.
Obviously, they can’t do much about Anakin though LOL
The rat franchise was fucked the day that Krazy KK tossed the EU in the shitter.
Then years later after fucking everything like the whore she is she had the audacity to claim that she had no source material to pull from… Nearly every plot point in the rat franchise is stolen directly from the EU and then executed poorly.
Hans son being an emo wannabe sith; you that is jacen all they did was slap Lukes sons name on it…
Death Star 3… nuff said
Maryfuckingsue: had all the hallmarks of being Hans daughter the twin to Jacen. Then they shit the bed and changed that in the end.
ol Palps being resurrected in a clone body; yea the EU comics did that in the early 90s and PEOPLE HATED IT THEN TOO.
My personal favorite though has to be ‘admiral’ genderstudies stealing something that Admiral Ackbar did and taking out an entire fleet with one ship… Here is the thing, when Ackbar did it he used a nearly completed capitol ship run by a slave remote system; hid the ship behind a moon and when the imperial destroyer was passing the moon he accelerated to full SUBLIGHT speed to ram the star destroyer broadside. He also had the engines rigged to detonate so thats what took out the destroyer not the impact.
But genderstudies turned hyperspace into a weapon and destroyed 40 years of lore in 5 seconds.