“30 minutes in, and I think the first one had a better 30-minute intro.”
“The howler is a push-to-talk in a letter!”
“Colin is like a TMZ motherfucker.”
*Laughs at “Fletcher’s” frozen cat*
*Spell turns bird into goblet * “That’s murder!”
*Sees Snape on the Quidditch stadium* “Last time I was here, I was set on fire, but no one seems to give a fuck.”
*Laughs when Dobby shows his ironed hands.*
“‘No longer safe?’ When has this school ever been safe!?”
*Fawkes combusts* “I’d rather set myself on fire than hang out with you!”
“Basically, Hermione’s plan was to roofie them.”
*Hermione is a cat.* “Ah, she’s a furry!”
“Even for a dead woman, she’s fucking annoying.”
*Hermione is petrified.* “Oh, damn! Shit, they got Hermione! Where’s your fucking Wingardoum Leviosa, now, bitch!?”
*Thousands of spiders appear* “That’s awesome!”
*Spider sequence ends* “Okay, that was cool!”
*Lethal figured out the dead girl was Myrtle before it was even said!*
“He was the only one who applied for the job, but it is a school! He should not be there!”
“Lockhart is a fucking idiot.”
“Harry is a piece of shit. Get Ron a new wand!”
*Ron knocks out Lockhart* “Ah, yeah! Ron with the assault! Let’s go! All the teachers should be assaulted.”
*Sees the Voldemort name* “Oh, fuck!”
“Riddle is like, ‘Muh snake!'”
“I still think these 2 films make Slytherin out to be the bad guys, and the other 2 houses just don’t matter.”
“I bet they get a hundred and fifty fucking points!”
*Lucius and Dobby appear* “Fuck you, Dobby!”
*Laughs like a hyena when Dobby gets kicked* “He deserves that! Fuck Dobby!
*Dobby is free.* “I fucking hate Dobby so much, man.”
“Lucius just threatened to kill a kid! This school is fucked.”
“Dobby, kill yourself.”
*Laughs at Ron and Hermione’s handshake*
“Sprout and Pomfrey are the MVPs.”
“Ha, Hermione is that fucking asshole that reminds the teacher that homework was due today.”
“Straight outta jail and back to school! Let’s go, Hagrid!”
“So, you sent your retarded owl to get your friend out of prison?”
“‘There’s no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid.’ Oh, that hits hard, doesn’t it? Oh well, at least his dad fucked a giant.”
“Overall, slightly better than the first. The snake and the spider looked really cool.”
“Dobby fucked the whole thing up. Ginny would have died! Voldemort would have returned! Dobby is a POS. Dobby sucks ass. I didn’t like the start that much. But this one really came together at the end. The Weasley parents are awesome. Great mom and dad.”
Score: 7.7 / 10
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
“Vernon just stares at him like, ‘What the fuck?'”
“How is Harry not a terrorist?”
*Aunt Marge blows up* “Oh, shit, we are going full Willy Wonka.”
“You’re going to Bulgaria, bitch!”
“Monster Book of Monsters is dope.”
“Fuck yes, the Weasleys are here! Fuck off, Hermione.”
“This one has such a different feel.”
“30 minutes in, and this intro is better than the second one. I think the first one’s intro was better, with the zoo.”
“This is what was missing from the other 2 films: hanging out and being kids, talking shit.”
*Laughs at the dying bird by Whomping Willow*
“It’s about time our Hagrid gets some respect! Just had to do a stint in prison.”
“Dude, look at Draco! Looks like he spent the summer listening to My Chemical Romance.”
*Hermione grabs Ron’s hand* “Ooh la la!”
*”It’s killed me!” – Draco.* “Nah, fuck him. We are burying him! Hermione, get a shovel.”
“This school lacks school diligence!”
“Wow, Harry just fucking pushed over a ton of midgets!”
*Ron and Harry asleep in divination* “Ron is in a Nandos comma!”
“Hermione just got fucking bodied!”
“Draco is such a pussy!”
“Let’s go, Hermione!” *punches Draco*
“Draco is just a typical bully.”
*Hermione hugs Ron, crying* “Harry, fuck off! Not cool, dude!”
*Sees Sirius* “It’s Rasputin!”
“You attacked a teacher! You set him on fucking fire!”
*Pikachu face at Scabbers reveal*
*Dementors appear* “Oooo, they don’t know he’s innocent! They just want his prisoner!
“Just believe Dumbledore!”
*Buckhead saves Harry and Hermione* “Buckbeak for the clutch plays!”
*Hermione hugs Harry* “Harry is a bit of a dog, isn’t he! Ron isn’t around.”
“It feels very inconsequential. There’s no Voldemort! Poor Quidditch game, no Hogwarts points or Hogwarts House Cup!”
“I’m iffy with time travel. It fucks up a lot of stuff!”
“I didn’t like this version of Dumbledore [new actor], but granted, he didn’t really do a lot as compared to the other films.”
“There just wasn’t really a whole lot going on that I enjoyed! It started well.”
“The Dementors were cool, but the spiders and Basilisk were way cooler.”
“The best part was when the Dementor flies by, and the flower dies.”
“No Dobby = points.”
“None of the houses really matter in this one.”
“I didn’t like how it ended, either. The other 2 films show the very end of the year, and this one doesn’t! It wasn’t awful, but it was a drop down from the first 2, especially the 2nd one.”
“Everyone’s hair was fucked!”
“The threat level was low in comparison to the others.”
*Frank dies* “Now, this is my kind of Harry Potter movie!”
“Did Harry move in with the Weasleys?”
“Fuck, look at their hair!”
“It’s Batman!”
“Lucius Malfoy just straight-up made a death threat!”
“Oh, shit! We are 10 minutes in, and the fucking Klan just showed up! The Klan of Mozza!”
*Lethal is a Ravenclaw* “Yeah! We got some Asians!”
*Durmstrang ship appears* “Oh! It’s Johnny Depp!”
“Fletcher!”
*Blabs wants to cosplay as a Beauxbatons student. Lethal is okay with this.*
“Oh shit, it’s the Nazis!”
“Hermione is like, ‘I have to deal with all these foreign boobs now!'”
“Madame Maxime is a really tall version of Edna Mode!”
“Dude, Hagrid is gonna get them cheeks!”
*Moody yells at Seamus* “Fucking yes! Let’s go!”
“I’m really digging this one so far!”
“Krum looks like Ivan Drago (Rocky IV).”
“Igor looks like fucking Dracula.”
“Is McGonagall gonna say something this year? That would be lit.”
“Rita is based, but that bitch has not had a dick in years.”
“I hope Ron’s okay.”
“Harry is in the wrong with Ron. Poor Ron.”
“Moody is out of control!”
*Harry and Hermione’s photo is taken* “OH NO! That one is not Harry’s fault!”
“I’m so shook by that photo! Ron is gonna see that and think, ‘What the fuck!?'”
“This dragon chase scene is a bit much. The dragon could just go destroy the castle!”
“Fuck you, Harry! Go, Ron!”
*Laughs like a hyena when Snape hits Harry and Ron on the head*
“Hermione is a traitor and went with Viktor! Ron’s spitting! Dude, Ron!”
“My boy Ron! He looked great in that outfit! His pet rat is a Voldemort supporter, and no one is asking him how he is feeling about this! Ron Weasley is just carrying this boulder, man! Ronald is where it’s at! His girl is a traitor. Putting all Nandos aside for the moment, Ron is still fucking right.”
*Hears Myrtle’s giggle* AHHHH “This bitch! Fuck off! Jesus Christ.”
“Dodgy Bookies Part 2!”
“I like the original Dumbledore better!”
“Moody is cool, and he beats children.”
*Fleur gets attacked by hedges* “Awww! That’s cool! That’s awesome.”
*Portkey arrives at the Graveyard* “OH, FUCK! That says ‘Riddle.’ Oi. Prepare your anus, boys.”
*Cedric dies* “OH, DAMN.”
*Voldemort is in the cauldron.* “We gonna boil him!”
*When Lily and James appear* “He is all the Jedi!”
*Moody takes Harry away* “I like this guy. He genuinely cares.”
Blabs: “Tell me that again in 3 minutes.”
*Moody locks the door* “He’s not a Voldemort person…”
“I think Moody is just gonna flush out Voldemort to get rid of him!”
“Who is this guy, then?! Matt Smith?”
Blabs: “That’s David Tennant.”
*Dumbledore’s speech* “Yeah, but who won the House Cup?”
“This is probably my favorite so far, but Chamber of Secrets is still the top one.”
“This one had the best last 20 minutes. From the second we saw the Riddle graveyard, it went hardcore from there.”
“This one had everything that was missing from the third one. However, if you still apply logic to Hogwarts, it is a terrible place, and they should all be in prison.”
“I still think 2 had the better plot twist. This one had the best start, though. It sucks how they’ve taken away from the first 2, though. Harry in the muggle world, going to Diagon Alley, Platform 9 ¾. I didn’t really wanna judge the Dumbledores before in just one movie, but now I can. This Dumbledore isn’t as good as the original.”
“There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way Ron was dressed; everyone else is a hater. It was traditional.”
“It was very fast-paced. Like, ‘Wait a minute; I’m still learning about these new characters.'”
“I miss Fang. The Basilisk is still my favorite creature so far.”
Score: 7.6 / 10
About 10 mins into the 4th Harry Potter movie and the Klan is there burning tents. @BlabberingC
“Oh shit, a blue sky! Haven’t seen one of these in 3 movies.”
“Hallway scene!”
“Their son is an eshay!”
“Push to talk howler!”
“He’s fucked if he can’t go to Hogwarts!”
“You’d think after 5 years he wouldn’t be surprised by magic anymore!”
*Molly appears* “YOOO! I wanna buy her flowers.”
*Sees house elf* “Ahhh fuck! Oh wait, that’s not Dobby.”
“Harry is a dick.”
“I love Tonks.”
*Sees slanderous newspapers.* “Wow!”
Blabs: “This movie is very accurate to current media.”
Lethal: “Even to the person who wrote the books!”
*Lucius appears* “Oh shit!”
Dumbledore appears *”Yeah, cawnt!”
“Luna Lovegood sounds like an Austin Powers name.”
“Ron’s real!”
“Oh, awesome! Body mutilation to students! Definitely a Hogwarts teacher!”
“Thestrals are cool.”
“I don’t understand how Umbridge hasn’t been hit in the head with a fucking cricket bat.”
*Cackles like a hyena when Umbridge measures Flitwick*
*Trelawney is sacked* “Aww, wtf! That’s not very cash money of you!”
“Dumbledore coming in clutch!”
“We are so multicultural here at Ravenclaw.”
“Snape is enjoying this. He is like, ‘I’m just gonna fuck with your brain for a little bit.'”
“Oh my God, I love Molly!”
“I kinda like Umbridge. She tortures children.”
*Snape flashback* “Oo! It’s Kylo Ren!”
“Snape is cool, too. He slaps kids every once in a while.”
“Oh shit, they are taking her to Gumby!”
Blabs: “His name is Grawp…”
“They killed Gary Oldman, nooo!”
“Now, who the fuck won the House Cup?”
“‘One of us is going to have to kill the other in the end.’ Yeah, cawnt.
“I don’t think any of them have been bad, but this one is the first step where the rest of them are going in a direction, and it needs to have a foundation.”
“All the school stuff doesn’t really matter anymore.”
“This one is probably my least favorite. Goblet was GOAT! I felt this one had a strong start, but it wasn’t as interesting as I’d hoped, especially after Goblet.”
“The end fight was cool; it reminded me of Avatar: The Last Airbender.”
“Number 3 is very different from 1 and 2. 3 was its own thing. 4 ramped it up. And this one feels like it has to bridge what comes next.”
“I liked it when there were more creatures; that made it feel more magical.”
“Scottish Asian chick… Cho… she needs a beating.”
“It really feels like Ron and Hermione are a thing in this movie.”
*Lethal nearly cried when Trelawney got sacked*
“One positive: this was the new Dumbledore’s best performance.”
“Goblet is king. It had dragons and mermaids and shit.”
“With every movie, I like Harry less and less.”
“Tonks and Luna are cool. Tonks needs a solo series.”
Blabs: “Yeah, about that…”
“Kreacher deserves an honorable mention. He’s such an asshole; I love him.”
“‘I must not tell lies’ scene is pretty cool.”
“Umbridge is a shining example of what no dick can do to a bitch.”
“I enjoyed all of them and am looking forward to seeing the next ones!”
“I preferred how Voldemort taunted Harry in the 4th one… ‘Remember how to bow?'”
“Where was Peter Pettigrew?”
“Fred and George are top-tier. Weasleys just carry. It should just be called Weasleys.”
“First impression of the poster: Hermione looks more grown up; Harry looks like an alcoholic; Dumbledore looks like Gandalf.”
*Lethal, to Dumbledore* “Just because you don’t like women doesn’t mean Harry can’t get some!”
“Ooo, I know what house this is! It’s where Harry’s parents were murdered!”
Blabs: “No.”
“Wouldn’t it be nice if you could use that cleaning spell? It would eliminate ⅓ the use of females.”
“Dan [Harry Potter actor] is drunk as fuck here.”
“Dumbledore says he likes knitting patterns but his outfit is one color!”
“Ron’s parents are so cool letting his girlfriend stay in the house!”
“Damn, Dan is so drunk!”
“Bella is kinda doing it for me.”
*Sees ruined Ollivanders* “Ohh! I reckon it’s still the best scene when he gets his wand.”
“Luna is off her dial, eh?”
“Ron spits, man!”
*Slughorn becomes Potions Master* “Ooh!”
*Snape becomes DADA teacher* “My boy!”
“We are out of the bad hair phase and into the alcoholic phase!”
“Lavender wants some Ron in her!”
*Katie is possessed* “Right, we are going full Exorcist!”
“Hermione is adorable in this movie.”
“I like that this is more Hogwarts-focused. It’s school-related. Better than the 5th one.”
“Aww! Poor Hermione!”
“That’s a bit weird! Kids serving alcohol; that’s a bit fucked.”
*Bellatrix shows up* “Baby!”
“My theory is that this book is owned by Tom Riddle!”
“I really like the Room of Requirement.”
“Ginny is a bit of a hoe!”
“So, this inhaler could be a Horcrux?!” *Picks up asthma inhaler*
Blabs: “Yes”
*Dumbledore drinking the potion* “This is dope! Drink it! Fucking forcing him!”
“That was so cool!”
*Inferi grabs Harry, Lethal jumps* “Ah!”
*Sees Bella* “Ooh, Mummy! I like her. She is cool.”
“Bella is a boss! She is just trashing the school on her way out.”
*Snape is the Half-Blood Prince* “OHHH!”
“This film was great! The ending was so good! This did everything that I liked. I would have liked if there were monsters and creatures.”
“The Ginny stuff was weird. I didn’t like it.”
“This felt like the first 2, more about school, but it kept the darker tone.”
“When Harry was making him drink it… that was so good.”
“Dumbledore death scene… the skull over the castle…”
“Quidditch was back!”
“The Ron and Hermione! 20 points to this movie.”
“When the movie has the bad guys winning, there should always be some hope at the end. And I think this movie did that; McGonagall shooting light up to the sky.”
“This one actually did the best for the Deatheaters as well.”
“I don’t like what they did to Aragog. It looked too small.”
“I’m of 2 minds with young Tom Riddle. This Tom actor makes him look really freaky… psycho-like.”
“The worst part was the awkward Ginny stuff.”
“They kept the tone balanced as well, even with the teen love crap.”
“When Ron says ‘Hermione’ in his sleep… that was lovely!”
“I still think Goblet of Fire had the best ending with the Graveyard, but this ending… fucking making Dumbledore drink the potion.”
“The burrow fight scene sucked. Bad filming and editing. The constant shaking around of the camera… no.”
“I’m kinda over Draco now, though. I feel like we got to the point where he is just shit. He’s washed up.”
“Lavender was funny.”
“Luna was good; she’s always good.”
“I think that Harry’s scar is a Horcrux. But thinking about it, it doesn’t make sense because he wants to kill Harry, and that would destroy the Horcrux, then!”
Dobby is not good he's a dickhead. If he had his way Voldemort would have won in the second movie and Ginny Weasley would have died in The Chamber of Secrets. Also he tried to kill Harry with a Bludger. https://t.co/hywmG1XjZe
It’s a pretty cool story; I definitely recommend watching it if you’ve never seen them. It’s not what you think it is; I went in pretty blind, and I was quite wrong. I thought it was going to be more childlike, more kiddie-like.
Blabs’ Final Thoughts
I honestly wasn’t sure how Lethal would react to the films; I knew he would like them because what normal person doesn’t? But I wasn’t sure how invested he would get. But he got pretty invested in them, and watching his reaction to certain story twists and character lines was entertaining, especially since I knew what was going to happen, and he had NO idea. I survived, even though he laughed at Dobby and Lavender dying, which are pretty traumatic scenes. Every time I watch those scenes, I’ll think of Lethal laughing like a stupid hyena.